It’s a common phrase we hear all the time when men talk about protocol, club life, and women. We forget that men created the MC sphere for men’s use, and not for women. They’re not wrong when they say this. They have default settings: women are a liability to be managed. As women in this space, either they shrink or they try to demand access, but there’s a nuance to this: the wrong woman can destroy an MC; the right one strengthens it.
But put yourself in the men’s shoes. Imagine you’re in a club; no women are allowed to be part of its business. They do not have a vote, but then that one bro meets someone new, and she wants to know everything. Now bro is engaging in pillow talk and discussing things with his girl that you thought were only for the club, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she’s giving him ideas to suggest directing his opinions and you and the club know these things aren’t from his mind, but suddenly private chats with him don’t happen because she never leaves you alone, now you have a liability. After all, she is interfering in a space that was never meant for her, and suddenly, battle lines are drawn, and it’s “Bro, sort your girl out before we do.”
It never had to be that way; it never had to escalate, but to the men, that’s a bro that can’t control his girl, that erodes his status, his value. Addressing how to manage the situation doesn’t tackle the underlying problem. If you scan the history of the culture, when men eased off on what women could do, chaos and drama followed, so they learned to hold tighter to the rule.
The rule was not the issue; the problem is the education gap; the men expect the women to know their place, to behave accordingly, not to ask questions, and not to interfere with club business. But they don’t teach women the protocol they want them to respect and uphold. How to behave if they want to earn trust and respect, or how access to the club gets denied.
Men get trained, challenged, and learn protocol, tradition and bylaws during the prospecting period, but some of those same things taught to prospects the women need to know, she needs to know how to read the room; she needs to know when that brother approaches her man; he wants a private chat and it’s time to take a minute away to give them their privacy. To know that situation isn’t a comment on her, it’s just the way things are done.
Photo by MSCC on UnsplashThe problem is that when a woman doesn’t know protocol, traditions, or even basic engagement rules, she rarely understands the issue if she oversteps. She internalises what you tell her; you tell her no women in club business; she hears I can’t be of value here. Then, when you or the club challenge her, she responds the same way any woman would with ego, with emotion, and now you have the drama, but the problem was never the woman, never the rules, never the men; it’s the educational gap.
The problem is that every time she oversteps, she doesn’t modify her behaviour; it’s seen, it’s noted, and it reflects directly on her partner/sponsor. In a world with natural hyper-awareness, her behaviour will soon become a liability, regardless of intention, and this will happen quickly. The flip side is a woman who remains unseen because she shrinks herself and must bear the burden of wanting to contribute to the club but not knowing how.
Or imagine this, she learns protocol, her and her man attend an event, out of the corner of his eye he sees his brother approach, he can tell by the way he’s moving he wants a private chat, she sees it too, both read the same thing, and she says “I’m just gonna pop to the bar,” and leaves he doesn’t need to ask to get her man alone anymore they can discuss whatever it was, and she returns all smiles 5 minutes later with drinks.
She removed the possibility of conflict and ego surfacing, let him do his thing, and now she’s an asset; her partner thinks she’s great, and her behaviour and composure impress his bro.
Discipline defeats ego in the boy’s world, whereas behaviour builds trust in our world.
In the motorcycle club world, the real enemy is ego; when her ego tries to match the boy’s ego, disaster strikes for us all, not to mention it’s a real good way to get your access denied because no one really wants the drama.
I am not here to discuss club business or expose operations. Don’t name individuals. I am here for cultural and psychological commentary and to explore how women operate inside 1%/MC culture without destabilising the structure, and why no one teaches protocol to the women expected to follow it.
If you want to learn about how to move correctly inside motorcycle club culture, with loyalty, discipline, and structural intelligence, so you can become an asset to the club, not a liability to it. I am here for that.
Belinda Sharland