From the first “hey, want to come meet the club,” to the “come on the annual with me,” everything in this world is an invitation, and the invite you receive should regulate your behaviour.
A woman is not a member (unless it’s a female club, a support club, or a social club, or one of the few clubs that allow female members); she doesn’t have a place in the male hierarchy, unless you class her behind the prospects (usually only referenced on rides, if she rides her own). It’s the only place where what’s yours is mine does not apply. It’s his club, and no matter how much you try, it always will be.
Hi, I’m Belinda; some call me Wildcard. Welcome to my world. You may have noticed that this first post was written with the new wife, girlfriend, or un-romantic property in mind. I was reflecting on how best to be of value to the community and get this thing started, and I thought about my early days. I was lucky that my father and his bros had been teaching me about protocol because all I got was ask no questions, find a space and fill it, own it (best advice ever). The ol’ ladies were hardly around. We were thrown in at the deep end. Training for girls inside motorcycle clubs is uneven; some have it, most don’t. You’re reliant on connecting with other women in the club, or the advice your other half manages to explain, and only half of which you took seriously. I’ve met and helped new wives who didn’t even understand the world they just stepped into. If that’s you, I’m here for this.
One of my core themes is that invitation is everything; if you stick around, you’re likely to hear it a lot. My work reflects my C.L.U.B Framework™, the first level of which is position clarity – knowing where you stand; it’s not as simple as your position in any room. You could be in either of these scenarios: maybe you came with your partner, or you know that your behaviour is being assessed as a direct reflection of him, you’re likely to hang with the other girls or by his side in a room full of boys. The other scenario is that you are walked straight into the room as a non-romantic property. This one is trickier because the one who walked you in may disappear as quickly, leaving you to find your way.
I’m going to unpack this a little because you’re never gonna know your physical position in a room. After all, there are too many variables, a lot of diamond clubs will expect the women to all be together in one area, if you’re walking in as the girlfriend or wife of a new hangaround or prospect, you’ll be expected to hang with the girls – but two things to consider your behaviour is being as closely watched as his, everything you do reflects upwards in this world, even if you think it’s just a social. Now, finding a place to sit or stand in a room with females can be just as daunting as trying to find a table to sit at on your first day at a new high school. The girls have politics too. Unless invited, there are two important things to remember: one, your partner’s position, if he’s a hangaround or prospect, he doesn’t really have one, which places you at the lower end of the female hierarchy; this is traditionally where the passarounds are. My best advice is to move slowly and always read the room.
You need to observe more than you talk, and we never ask questions about anything that can be considered club business. If you know any business related to the club, it’s best not to discuss it.
I think in a lot of ways the room with the men is easier to negotiate, and while you still want to move slow but deliberate and read the room, our hierarchy is a direct reflection of the men’s so if you’re in the room with a partner you should be in proximity to him, unless he is having a private chat, if not the female place in the hierarchy is behind the prospects, this is where you’d be on a ride if you rode your own, so positioning yourself near the prospects is normally a safe bet, its common for prospects to be assigned to watch over women too. Making eye contact should be reserved for the members you are either in conversation with or you know.
It’s important not to push yourself into conversations you weren’t invited to. And to know if a member wants a private chat with your partner, it’s best to excuse yourself before you need to be asked.
In this world, your position determines your conduct. An invitation regulates behaviour, not because you’re new, female, untrusted, or out of disrespect, but because, as quickly as the invitation is extended, it can be withdrawn.
If you want to learn more about how to move correctly inside motorcycle club culture, with loyalty, discipline, and structural intelligence, so you can stabilise your club and not become a liability. I am here for that.
Belinda Sharland